


A Glimpse of Heaven

by r_etroman



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Gen, Steve mentioned, set in the 1950’s, we love angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:21:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24766867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r_etroman/pseuds/r_etroman
Summary: In which Bucky escapes for only one day in 1951 and longs for a sense of understanding.
Kudos: 1





	A Glimpse of Heaven

The city skyline was a hazy purple, turning into an orange and yellow as the sun rose. It had been a long time since he’d seen one, a sunrise. But he didn’t have time to enjoy it; he needed an escape.  
The sound of pounding on pavement was the only thing he heard for miles as he ran; he ran and hoped they couldn’t follow. Every once in a while the sun would shine on his... arm if you could call it that, sending a ray of sun into his eyes. But he couldn’t falter; not now. His hair had grown out a bit, a little mangly for his taste but he couldn’t care less at the moment. The world had tortured him, but he would prevail; he always did. He had to get back to Steve, the Howling Commandos; his made family. 

The very thought of you  
And I forget to do  
The little ordinary things  
That everyone ought to do

Trying to recollect his thought of the past months was like digging for something without your glasses on. Every memory that flowed through his mind was blurry and mangled with terrors of shocks and burns, bruises and beatings, both physically and mentally. Nothing made sense. Only that his name was Jame Buchanan Barnes, Winter Soldier, and that the people who gave him that name shouldn’t have had him. It was an itch in the back of his mind, telling him it was wrong, telling him they were bad. But he was numb. Oh so numb, to them, to everything around him. 

I'm living in a kind of daydream  
I'm happy as a king  
And foolish though it may seem  
To me, that's everything

The rough texture of the rock only brushed his back and hand, the gruffness not bothering him. The sun had peaked over the horizon and sat a quarter in the sky, its rays sending a unfamiliar feeling through him. His mind had started to clear; bits and pieces like falling and the surgery were the clearest, while the tiny details were still very blurred. His new scars now exposed to the sun. But it felt wrong, all of it. The rock behind him felt too much like the cold metal slab, his arm was too new too fresh of a memory, and his mind had no control of itself. I am not in control. 

The mere idea of you  
The longing here for you  
You'll never know how slow the moments go  
'Til I'm near to you

He sat there counting, one at a time, for maybe too long. He couldn’t stop, he had to remind himself. If he does, they will catch up; and going back was not an option. He was so lost in his head that the slight scrub of boots on rock passed through his mind. He couldn’t stay. He had to go. As his hands pushed on the back of the rock, his body only a few inches off of it, a slight prick was felt on his neck. It was too familiar; too close to the testing, the serums that made him into the monster he was becoming. He had lost. But that wasn’t his mistake, staying. He had already lost when he had escaped. He wasn’t thinking; one man, two men, three men down before he could question what had happened. But soon the dizziness was too much. As he lost conscience, he knew that when he woke up, Bucky Barnes would be of no more. 

I see your face in every flower  
Your eyes in stars above  
It's just the thought of you  
The very thought of you  
My love


End file.
